Embracing My Health

Weight: 248
Height: 5′8″
BMI: 39

Measurements

Neck: 14.5
Bicep: 15.5
Forearm: 11.5
Chest: 48 (-1″)
Waist: 47 (-2″)
Hips: 50 (-1″)
Thigh: 28 (-.5″)
Calf: 18.5 (-.5″)

This numbers check-in is a good example of why you can’t just trust your scale as a measure of your progress. The scale shows me at the same weight as my July 26th check-in. However, and it’s a big however! I’ve lost inches! An accumulated total of 5 inches! That’s some progress!

I need to remind and encourage myself of that because I want to see the scale numbers drop and I want my self-portrait updates to inspire me. And it doesn’t. I’ll be honest, it takes some discipline and determination to post these photos. I’m embarrassed of my size. But my embarrassment is outweighed by my commitment to have this be a journey to optimal health and fitness. Every day, every number, every picture is a part of that journey.

Hi everyone!  Wow, keeping up my dailies has been more of a challenge than I expected. I blinked and missed 3 days. My body has felt a little rugged the last few days. Not in a sick with a bug kind of a way… but in manner that I would guess is getting rid of toxins. This morning is the first morning that I started to feel that my body was clearing the crud and starting with a fresher, cleaner slate. I have to say, it does feel good.

So far, I haven’t worked any sort of focused exercise into my daily routine. That’s coming right up.

Here’s to moving forward step by step.

(This update is for yesterday, August 1)

I’m getting into a groove with my food choices. The thing I’ve noticed is that, for me, it takes a little bit to get into the mindset. It has taken me less time than in the past, about a week, but I still wasn’t able to jump in on the first day at a 100%.

All of us have “that point” where our commitments suddenly feel less important than what we feel like at that moment. I have two times for that: 1) beginning the implementation of that commitment, and 2) about 4 weeks into it… I’ll suddenly “grow tired” of doing what I committed to and want to “treat” myself because I’ve been good and I “deserve” it. While giving yourself treats on rare occasions is perfectly appropriate, for me, it can be the beginning of the end. Some people have addictive personalities and I believe I’m one of them, at least in a fashion. When I splurge, especially with something like sweets, I have a difficult time keeping it in moderation. Although it sounds like one, sugar addiction is no joke. In fact, I’ll share more about sugar addiction in the next post.

Last note for this update, as a fruit lover, summertime is a GOOD time to live in the Pacific Northwest. Snack this morning: the most amazing organic local cherries. Heaven!

I wrote this morning about being impressed by an assertion made by David McCullough. The assertion: excelling is possible only through the doing of the thing. It doesn’t matter what it is. Having head knowledge amounts to next to nothing if it lacks application… the doing.

I’m guilty as charged of researching, learning, and knowing a lot about health, nutrition and fitness… all without the doing. Well, that’s not entirely true. Our eating habits are healthier than they used to be a few years back. Any and every bit of change toward health we make is monumental. Our bodies will take each and every scrap of healthiness we give them. Truly, our bodies are inventive and ingenious with how well they keep working even when we don’t give them the building tools they need to do their jobs right. Our bodies are amazing Imagine then if we keep adding incrementally to those changes until they turn into a lifestyle. The gains we will experience are, I’m betting, unimaginable.

This marks Day 1 for me. Here’s where I begin the journey of chronicling what it takes for me, an internet junkie, a mom, wife and friend, to create a new life. I have so much knowledge to share and I will. But more importantly, it’s the doing that I do that I’m most looking forward to.

Have you noticed when you draw the line in the sand for yourself – all of sudden – it becomes the most difficult thing in the world to stand behind it? That’s the way it has been for me the last 4-5 days. Almost from the minute I started this blog, I started resisting my own goals, my own best interest and my own health. The petulance of a two-year rears up in me and I find it really hard to give her a time out and tell her that she can’t come out of her room until she’s ready to grow up. Do you ever experience that?

The hard thing to reconcile is that to quit that behavior is to do just that – QUIT IT!

So here I am, quitting it!

Fifteen years ago, just before Paul & I got married, I went on Depo-Provera. I was, at that time, somewhere between 15 and 20 lbs overweight. Three months after my first Depo-Provera injection, I had gained 40 lbs. The weight had come on so quickly that I had stretch marks. I knew I had gained weight, but didn’t connect the obvious dots back to Depo-Provera because of the stresses of getting married, moving to a new city, a new job, and so on.

When Paul & I got married, I was working as a retail store manager and was on my feet and moving 45 hours a week. After two years at this job, injuries to my feet made it necessary for me change jobs. I went from being active daily to a full-time desk job. I didn’t exercise and my lifestyle was to work hard all day and then come home and collapse on the couch in front of the TV. Paul & I ate out a lot. Being overweight was a constant source of discouragement to me… I would constantly wish and pine for being right-weighted. I began to learn more about optimal nutrition, fitness and personal health through magazines and books. I made very small changes to my diet, but nothing significant.

During these years I was dealing with a lot of depression and self-destructive behaviors… one of those behaviors was making myself feel as bad physically as I did emotionally. I would eat food that was super sugary, fatty and caloric. I didn’t think about it that way, but I was eating to make myself feel sick – and I always did. I was putting on more weight with each year.

In the fall of 2004, Amira was born. While pregnant with her, I topped the scales around 300 lbs. After she was born, I dropped to 280. I hovered there for about a year. Exercise was very difficult for me for a while after Amira’s birth – but I improved my eating habits and dropped a few pounds. All the while, I continued reading and learning about health, nutrition, and fitness.

In 2007, I went to a naturopathic doctor and found that I was indeed very unhealthy. I began regimens under my doctor’s advice to begin the healing. I’ve lost weight and made progress on my overall health. As of today, I’m at 250.

I’m putting that history completely behind me now and starting a new story, a new chapter. I have a long way to go to achieve optimal health but I’m ready. I don’t know exactly what I should weight, but I’m guessing it to be around 140 lbs. We’ll find out and fine tune when we get there. That’s a long way away yet, so I’m not going to worry about that so much as beginning the journey of transforming my lifestyle. I already know there are going to be days that I don’t feel like it – but it’s not about what I feel like. It’s about what I’m committed to, what I believe in and what I DO each day.

There’s a part of me that is convinced that I’m crazy to do another blog. And that said, I am certainly convinced that this is what I need to do. I wrote a few weeks back about doing the examen and how themes in everyday life can guide you. And the theme that has been there for me is ‘embracing my health‘. This isn’t a small topic – so it deserves it’s own blog.

This blog will follow my journey to optimal health, provide information, recommendations, resources and anything else that is helpful and encouraging to me on this journey (and my intention is that it will be for you too).

My commitment is to be honest even if and when I find it embarrassing. I’m going to share the ins and outs, ups and downs, the victories and the losses.

Ready? I am. Here we go.